Cheating Significant others in the Military

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Again, no topic comes up more often than cheating spouses, or significant others. I am surprised that this topic takes precedent over all other topics. This isn’t a new phenomenon. During all past wars, cheating occurred from all the reading I have done. We could go on and on about who cheats more! But what I think is more important is why.

I am not convinced that more cheating occurs in the military than in the civilian “world!” However, I do think it comes to the forefront more now because of the Internet and the Blogs. What I really want to know more about is why? Is it the same reason that civilians cheat, the adrenalin rush of the “forbidden?” Or is it due to the stress placed on our military men and women and their families? Are the support systems that are supposed to be in place inadequate? Is it the constant absence of one partner or the other whether deployed statesside or over seas? Is cheating more or less a problem during war?

I know when I served over thirty years ago, the military had a very strict policy about cheating! That policy was not a cure-all or total preventive measure. I do think that there is less cheating in an all volunteer Military as opposed to during a draft! I have my own ideas or thoughts about why the cheating occurs other than the fact that some men “and” women will cheat whether or not they are in the military. Some spouse back home is as likely to cheat as a deployed soldier. Why?

Without compromising your identity, can those who cheat give their reasons for cheating? Is cheating more of a concern for those back home or those deployed? I would like to hear more from you guys or gals, whether you are deployed or the one back home!

We are not going to come to any conclusions that will prevent cheating by some. Maybe we will find out something about why it happens. Maybe we will use some of this knowledge to help build better lines of communications which will help strengthen relationships so less cheating occurs.

So, what do you all say? Anyone out there willing to talk about why they cheat? What might have helped prevent you from cheating. What will it hurt?


~ by devildog6771 on June 8, 2007.

38 Responses to “Cheating Significant others in the Military”

  1. My husband had been released for financial hardship and only after serving less than a year national guard, well 9/11 happened and he was called back to service in 2003. We then had 3 small girls and as I tend to think ahead, and put myself in his place, we agreed that if he were to ever be placed in a situation that required him to buddy up with a female he found attractive, that he would ask for a transfer respectably. I knew it would be hard (no pun intended) to resist temptation and that being sequestered with someone of the opposite sex for extended periods of time and getting to know eachother was bound to happen, as well as slowly departing from life at home and family. Much to my dismay, on his 2 we leave from Iraq, he announced after making love to me, that he had “fallen out of love” with me. He listed various very shallow reasons and included that I should have gotten breast implants by now, and that we (mY 3 daughters and i) were holding him back, he was meant for bigger things. I died. I let him go. He called a month after he was back in Iraq and warned that he would be bringing someone home with him, she was being sent home early for pregnancy and they were going to get married, so I needed to hurry up with the divorce. I was in church counseling when I received the call.
    Fast forward to 2013, the worst year of my life, when they have decided, 8 years after divorce, that it is time to make the girls choose, after brainwashing them all the while against me, which parent to live with. They took me to court and slandered me, saying I neglected my kids and many other lies in order to build a case on too of the elections signed by my girls who feared rejection by their father if they didn’t choose to live with him.
    They destroyed me. They destroyed my at the time 4 year old daughter who now doesn’t remember what happy mommy looked like, lost the only home she ever knew when they unknowingly garnished my wages on the job I had to get to support my kids when their dad wasn’t paying child support for the entire first year, she lost her sisters. All three of her only siblings and the hangers of her moon and stars. 15,14, and my baby was 10. She went by proxy. Now I am the one who has PTSD. I lost my job because all I can do is miss my girls. My 10 year old was my shadow. We did everything together. She wouldn’t speak in counseling so they didn’t make her go. 3 years since we have seen them. Life is worthless without them. They were all that gave me purpose when their dad left us. They don’t know what is best for them. They just wanted attention from dad who was never around their whOle lives. He is fully discharged since Iraq, but his current wife still attends drills I believe because when he quit his job a year before taking them, he said she was getting housing allotment for going back to school and it would be enough for HIS FAMILY to get by on, no support. Never turned him in for contempt, but he immediately filed on me and is on welfare to support them! His wife still stalks me on FB and comments when she can, and she is without a doubt the most rediculous , idiotic female I have ever known. She keeps saying I will be in “prison” soon for not paying child suppot. Prison….ok, whatever floats her boat. She still insists that I was the cheater. Wow, even when she was carrying the evidence in her belly and is now 10, and has very timely birthday. My ex and my anniversary, it would have been 7 years. His wife consequently blew up like a balloon as Karma deemed it, but it had only angered her aND made her jealous of me, not wanting my kids to love me. She always posts patriotic profile pics of her 10 years ago in uniform and immediately she receives plenty of ” thank you both for your service to our country.” So my status tonight read ” it makes me giggle when people thank her for serving our country (knowing it was all in her knees!)
    I will get them back if I die trying. She can have her “man”. But my babies are part of me, always will be, so she better back off.

  2. I have been married for a little over a year my husband is in the Air Force but has not yet been deployed, he always says I never have anything to worry about, honestly I am kind of insecure we are both very young and I know he has a deployment in the near future. I have a concern with co Ed tents he always reassures me that there NOT co Ed anymore. I don’t think he would ever cheat but I read all these about there husband being deployed and they cheat my husband loves me very much I know he does as I do him. But I know how some of the single military women can be sluts! He has never gave me a reason not to trust him so I don’t know what to do. And the whole thing I read about them passing out condoms seems a bit ridiculous why would they encourage cheating? Anyone feel free to answer. Also my husband and I have been together for almost 4 years and married a little over a year we are high school sweet hearts

  3. I have been married for 8 years to a U.S Marine. I have never noticed him cheating or even felt that he had. He has been deployed 2x and goes on training for work, but I have not seen, heard or felt anything. I think cheating is awful, but it also happens a lot to military men and women. I always hear of spouses cheating while their men are deployed. I feel for ally he stories out there, and I wish and hope it never happens to me. I think communication is key in every relationship. Just be honest and keep an opened mind. Working in the field of mental health and human behavior, I notice that honesty with your feelings is always key.

    I have always been independent and have 2 masters and have my own career and work full time. I know that if anything ever happened, I have my own career and my own money to be able to kick him to the curb. I just see a lot of spouses staying because they can not afford leaving them and they have no education to get a good job, let alone a career.

  4. my long-term, long-distance boyfriend cheated on me. he wasn’t deployed, he was still in training. the only reason i found out is because i overheard him telling his friend during a heart-to-heart one night when he thought i was asleep. i don’t want to talk about what he did- we have move passed it and have slowly been building our trust up again.

    that being said- i do have an opinion of the disregard servicemen and servicewomen seem to have for marriage. i have met only one faithful boyfriend/husband so far. all others have cheated with and without their spouses knowing. the girl who my boyfriend slept with also slept with her best friends husband. another newlywed was sleeping my my boyfriends roommate. a good friend’s husband took a little weekend trip to have a nice reunion with his ex.

    it makes me sick how little appreciation there is for commitment in the military, and as much as i tell myself i trust my man now… i’m lying. all i can say is trust your gut feeling. i knew something was wrong with him and this girl, and i unfortunately was right.

  5. My marine SO of 3 years, lied in so many ways, cheated on me and gave me herpes. To see him you would think he would be the most upright faithful person, which I thought, and now know I was a fool.

  6. I was a military wife of 8 years and we had 3 children. My husband cheated on me with other women while deployed and left me for the last woman on the last deployment. Not only did he have me served with divorce papers after he was on a plane back to Iraq(like a coward) he tried to take my children.Needless to say I didn’t even know he was back from Iraq till I checked a bank account and saw large amounts of money being spent state side.
    He didn’t even bother seeing his children. I’ll be honest I am sick of all these “Dear John” letters when I see more men who serve that should be ashamed of the way they handle their marriages and children. I found little help from the military.

    In the end the judge saw what a jerk my ex husband was and gave me sole custody of the kids. He and his Army girl friend can continue their relationship, after all they deserve each other.

  7. Well if you want the truth, lol hear goes. Ive been around military men all my life. My father is military, and in short he was just as much a cheater as any other military man. They come home or call you about there stories and how “Bob” or whoever is screwing this person or that. And how he can’t understand how these guys over here can risk there relationships over some ass. If he’s ever told you some story about what garbage his buddies doing there, you can bet he was standing right next to him giving him a high five. Don’t be a fool and think your man is being a stand up guy cause hes letting you in on something. Hell he is probably just changing the name and it’s very well him himself doing the deed he is telling you all about. Oh and if he’s SF or Ranger, from Ranger REG. or ever been, YES he is screwing around EVERY time he deploys. We can go ahead and rule that out on the spot. I bet my very soul on it. That is what they do. They don’t love them, there not going to leave you for them, unless it’s women from place like Cuba and then yea good chance sooner or later they will leave you and bring them here. Like I said men in SF 7Th group or 3rd are known for doing nothing but screwing around. Found out not to long ago 1/505Th went out and they all and yes my husband to screwed Iraq women in a whore house. Every single one of them. Of course my husband never admitted to this. He never will. If you want to know, do what I did spent 500 to 1000 bucks and get a credited lie detector examine on him. Mine failed by 90% I think the only thing he told the truth on was his name. But it mean I was right all along, and I wasn’t crazy like he tried to make me out to be. Even though everything I ever thought was true, it gave me some closure knowing I wasn’t losing my mind. Either you except the plan simple fact that they will cheat while deployed. Or continue lying to yourself that he want. The choice is ours to stay or leave. Everyone has a different threshold level and how much they can take. I’m still with me military PIG, and I let him think I’m stupid and hes getting over on me. Just keep taking mental notes. And eventually I’m hoping I will fall out of love with him and will be able to move on with someone I can trust.

  8. so what happens to the guys who cheat with civilians??

  9. Well here you go. I fell head over heels for a soldier. Something that scares me in both respects. I don’t fall in love. This is a first for me. I am not a child, someone who just graduated high school and thinks I am an grown up now. I have lived part of my live trying to figure out my life’s ambition. I have finally found it and have begun the intense training and schooling necessary. And then HE comes along. The military life is something I am familiar with. I spent most of my life as an ARMY brat. I have lived in military towns and on Military bases and I have seen first hand how scandalous people can be. Believe me when I say knowing is worse. Knowing that he will be deployed for a year when you meet is hard. I swore to myself we were just friends, we were just hanging out. We were just talking. Somewhere along those lines it started to matter. Before he left we told each one another “I love you” and that was a first for me. I am a believer in only saying I love you if it is REALLY what you feel and for the first time I felt it. Before he left he called me and told me that he thought we should break up. I nearly lost my mind for about 2 seconds while I waited for an explanation. He told me he knows that it will be harder on me being here while he is gone than it will be on him being away. He told me that he didn’t want me to have to hold back from being myself. That he wouldn’t want to be denied the opportunity. I was beside myself that he would even think that way. I asked him flat out if he thought he would be sleeping with someone while he was gone and he said no. I pondered that and asked if he was worried that I was going to cheat on him if we stayed together. He said yes and he would rather that I slept around while we are not technically together than to come home and find out that I had fallen in love with someone else while we were still together. At least if we were separated he would be able to accept it more. To be completely honest I am not sure about his reasoning. It makes me uneasy at times to think that he is out sleeping around over there because we are separated. It leaves me in a much more awkward position knowing that I am single, but that no one will EVER measure up to him. I don’t want anyone else. Having the option doesn’t help the situation let me promise you that. I haven’t slept with anyone else. I have gone out a few times, but I always feel like a whore for even having dinner with someone else. It doesn’t feel right in my heart. But all I can do is hope that he is feeling the same way. I hope that he isn’t playing the field just because he can.

    Before he left he told me they had been told they would not have contact for the first 3 months and that they would be going out on month long missions. After a week I got a phone call from him that made my week. for the first month that he was gone we talked all the time. I usually got a phone call every third day at the least sometimes more. And then we discovered the texts. (still the best invention ever) then one day we got cut off, which is not uncommon, but I had been jokingly telling him I had been looking at rings. (they had a diamond show at a jewelry store and had this outrageous 7.74 carrot diamond ring they were letting people try on) I don’t want that kind of “bling” but I am a woman and I like sparkly things) I was telling him about it’s absurdity and then we got disconnected. For days I was terrified that I had scared him with the talk of rings and that was why I hadn’t heard from him. It has now been three weeks to the day and I haven’t heard a thing. I am scared of what is going on. Not just because something might have happened but because he might have found someone else. It isn’t fair that we allow them so many opportunities. It isn’t fair that they worry about it so much from us. Cheating is not in my DNA. I would get physically sick if I did and I know that, but so many of them are being cheated on by lesser women. (and believe me I am not judging, we all have reasons for the things we do) But it hurts me that he even thinks I could be one of them because of the women he has seen cheat on his friends. If he does cheat on me, I will be beside myself with hurt. But taking him back would never be an option. I say Screw the people who think that cheating is ok. That we will never find out. You ARE WRONG. in more ways than one.

  10. While my husband is deployed, he is with the DoD not in the service per se. A year into our marriage I came across a hidden email account of his, and low and behold the flood gates opened. Long story short he cheated multiple times with 2 different women while in Iraq (that I am aware of) and had other online “friends” as well. I received numerous rationales as to his behavior; from he “tripped and fell in” to the erred thought process that he could lead another life over there and still have his white picket fence and stepford wife at home. If I wasn’t in the situation I could almost understand the second rationale. What got me is both women he slept with knew he was married, one was even on some ethics committee charged with keeping on base relations down. Not taking the blame off of him by any means, but it does take two to tango, so you pretty much end up with a bunch of bored, horny, selfish, morally compromised men and women. Which is just bad juju all around.

  11. My husband deployed last year to Iraq, and yes I do admit, I question him about what goes on over there but yet so does he. In a unit of 13, 2 soldiers are already in the process of getting divorce because their wives had cheated, and because of this he always claims that I too will cheat. I dont quite understand the whole cheating aspect. My take on it is why the hell did you get married if you feel the need to cheat? Because you were horny? Thats not a good enough answer for me… I tell my husband everytime he accuses me, that I would just leave him if I was going to do it. Why waste his or my time, because eventually I would do it again, then again, then again and vice versa. To all you people who have been cheated on by your spouse in the past…Once a cheater always a cheater, no matter what! I also try to tell my husband in subtle ways that if he ever thought about cheating on me while over there, he should think about what I could be doing over here, 10times worse. Or I jokingly tell him if he did, I would leave him, pin his ass for child support, take most of his money since I handle all his finances and most likely be way better off than when I was with him. You see I always think ahead, I always think the “just in case”. I love my husband with all my heart and would never hurt him, but I cant say that for sure he thinks the same way about me. Basically my husband knows what Im capable of

  12. Just before Christmas I broke up with my boyfriend. After 16 months together i realized he was living a triple life.

    This was possible for him as he is in the army. No matter if you are civilian or serving in the army, it’s so wrong.

    My boyfriend forgot to tell me he was married, he also forgot to tell me about him seeking the internet to find people for fetish meetings.

  13. Cheating happens…I feel it comes from both sides. My marine has cheated a lot…for example while i was in the hospital miscarrying our child…he was taking a girl to a formal. He cheated before he went to Iraq…he talked to his ex while there…he came home we got engaged and pregnant and he cheated again. I dont know why he does it i think part of it is that the girls are there and i am not. the drinking…the stress of the job…the rest of his friends are dancing with girls (dancing at a club how it starts)…i dont know…i cant read into his mind but he stopped before i caught him this time…who knows what will happen.

  14. Ok heres my issue. Hes home and I know hes sleeping with a woman that he works with,He played the blame game,the she just a friend game,now its im working long hours game. If they work together and are not the same rank spend every second they can together and everyonethey workwith sees this,why does no one say a thing about it? I cant prove all of this and I dont even know where to start.I think he is taking advantage ofmeand our family.We just moved toa newduty station 2months ago I hardly know anyone and now this. Any suggestins would be nice!!!

    • Well first of all you would have to be sure that leaving him is what you want to do. And if your certain, start collecting all his cell phone records and highlight every number that is hers, keep a log of all the times he supposeldy works late (that would help in your divorce case) and most importantly, open a seperate bank account without him knowing and slowly stat transfering funds into it. You got to think about you and your kids welfare, after this blows up. Try not to be obvious, to him that you are doing all this, just slowly start building a case. I would personally keep a close eye on his credit cards and debit cards to see what, and where he spends his money. Remember, he might think he’s sneaky but show him that women can be just as sneaky but more conniving 😉

  15. I am worried that my boyfriend will cheat on me because he knows i will never find out.

  16. Wow…it is amazing that no more people post regarding this issue, as has been stated here already. I hear it all the time. I am a military wife. I went through the 1st deployment of 15 months BEFORE I got married and am on a second one at present.

    On the first deployment, I didn’t think too much about him cheating. Yes, the thought did cross my mind but I felt that it was unproductive to entertain the idea. This deployment has been different. I recently received a text message from my husband in Iraq that said, “That was the best sex last night. Thank you.” And that was all it said. He had sent one other text from that particular phone (Iraqi cell phone) to see if it would transmit, but only once…all other texts come from his regular cell number. Because he had sent one text from it, my phone identified the call(text) as from him in Iraq. I didn’t hear anything more from him for 4 hours. His explanation at first was that he wanted to spice up my night. I told him that didn’t happen. Next he said that he sent that text thinking that I wouldn’t know who sent it and would be wondering. That makes even less sense, considering that I am a female, alone. The thought of some person texting me weird stuff would probably meke me paranoid wondering what weirdo had my cell number! We are not kids. This is not a first marriage for either of us. It really makes me doubt him.

    Also he was married before and his wife was into bdsm sex…online, during their marriage. Both of them told me about it so it’s not a figment of my imagination. I asked him when we first started dating if they were swingers or swappers or what, since in my opinion, it’s not all that much of a stretch from bdsm to swapping and he said no. Never entertained the idea. Going through boxes at the house however, I found among his items a swingers magazine. Hmmmmmm. Not to mention all the porn on the pc, thumb drives of all kinds of women, including an army captain posing in various stages of undress. His response to that? He ssid he didn’t know her but she had downloaded these naked pics of herself on the pc at the internet cafe and didn’t close out the files. The next guy that came along downloaded them and passed them around. Now I am sure that was intended to make me feel better, however, all I could think was what a disgusting, low-down thing to do. Any moral individual would respect someone’s privacy, close the damn thing out and move on with their own business. It makes me wonder if they had a thing and he doesn’t want me to know. As I mentioned previously, we aren’t young kids. This is a full grown man that I am referring to.

    I began to think back to some other things that I have seen and needless to say, I think he sent the text to the wrong person. It is dissappointing to say the least.

    I used to bartend and I have heard so many stories about cheating on both ends that it isn’t funny. This is the first time I have ever lived in a military town and although I’m sure that swinging and swapping goes on everywhere, I have never seen it so open as I do here.

    Look at the myspace pages of the soldiers deployed. Especially the females. There are some pretty risque pics on there. The bond between soldiers is strong and they certainly aren’t gonna give each other up.

    I would be curious to hear from more soldiers but it seems that the talk is mum…I guess they don’t want to spoil their fun. Surely there are soldiers, male and female, that will share the truth with us?

  17. well………….here is my out take on goes both ways boys n husband is in the armyand to hear him tell it honestly he swears the women int he military are worse than the men about cheating.that i couldnt tell you.but this i can tell you.i belive that it is absolute BS that they supply the soldiers with condoms as soon as they hit kuwait enrages me they give them to the married ones as well as the single ones and actually encourage u to have sex and to be cautious and its kinda like spring break u know the saying what happens in iraq stays in iraq.well guys n dolls its all very plain for u too se here and if u dont belive me a army wife telling things from a soldiers point and a spouses point then i pray for u to understand it all sumday.but my theroy is this they wander why the military has the highest divorce rate well here it is in black and white folks.our government is teaching our soldiers its ok to cheat and family isnt first anymore.i dont know but i remember the days when a spouse got caught cheating in the military they would lose rank and could even get a dishonorable discharge but a shame it is. it isnt like that truely is a shame they teach our men and women how to sneak around and cheat and not get caught.i would love to see some of them answer to their kids for what they r doing.because u know the selfish thing is they think of only themselves and not their families while doing these foolish acts.maybe this might help get the word out there to those who arent this way i apologize i am not saying all military personel is this way just a majority of them and my main point is that i just cant get over the fact that they r giveing them condoms and telling them its ok to sleep around while deployed its BS BS BS. how can u fight a war and be completely focused when u have ppl screwing at check points!!!! and it happens trust me i have pictures of 2 soldiers whom my husband knows they were haveing sex at a check point while under a Mortar attack. so u folks be the judge of things and tell me what you think on this because this is just a fraction of some of the things that i could write a book on and bust out in the open for alot of ppl what goes on in that sand box…

    • Wow I did not know that they did that out there. (Passsing out condoms) I had already planned that when my husband came back home I was going to get a STD test done just in case. Maybe to give me a sense that he didnt cheat on me out there..

  18. I have seen women in the US Army hit on 50 year old men knowing they were married. It was embarassing and dishonorable

  19. My boyfriend is a marine and most of the people in his unit cheat. The women will go into work early and sleep with their bosses. The men sleep with foreign women while in other countries. I’m not sure I even trust my own boyfriend now. I think they do it because they can. They all have dirt on each other, so no one really snitches.

  20. F*ck ya’ll. My wife cheating on WHILE SHE WAS IN IRAQ!!!

    • My husband cheated on me while he was in Iraq, too. Not just that, but he had online affairs with other women, when he got back. He doesn’t think those were important, because he denies having had any physical contact with them. I think it’s bullshit. I hope you find peace within yourself, as I certainly am working on finding mine everyday.

  21. I cheated on my boyfriend when he was in Iraq. I did it for a number of reasons. The first reason is that he was the first person i dated when I turned 18 and moved out on my owm. I felt like i needed to be with other people to be sure if he was the person I really wanted to be with. Another way I wrongly justified it to myself is that he waited until he was in Kuwait to say I Love You. I thought he only said this because he wanted to make sure he had somebody to sleep with when he came back. There are so many stories about soldiers telling girls they love them when they really just want to make sure they will get to have sex when they came home. Fortunatly, my now-fiancee wasnt one of those guys. Even after i realized that he truely did love me, i continued to cheat. I thought i even fell in love with one of the guys i was sleeping with. It took almost 6 months for me to realize that the feelings i thought i had for the guy i was sleeping with were really the feelings i had for my boyfriend. The problem is is that I couldnt express my love physically with my boyfriend. Being separated physically is icredibly hard. I was acting out my feelings for my boyfriend with another guy, which led to me becoming incredibly confused. My boyfriend never gave up on us. I ended up getting pregnant and having a misscarriage. I didnt know that i was pregnant, so i continued to smoke and drink and other things. My emotions were all over the place and my boyfriend and I fought A LOT. Enough about why i did what i did, I mgiht be able to give a little advice.
    1. Communicate, A LOT. Seriously, talk every chance you get! Even if you only have 2 minutes before you go to work, or they go out on a mission, use those 2 minutes to remind them that you love them.
    2. Become each others best friend. My boyfriend and I would talk for 5 or 6 hours a day if he didnt have to go out on mission. We know everything there is to know about each other. I’ll never forget some of the conversations we’ve had. When you cant be lovers, you can still know each other intimatly.
    3. Come clean about what you’ve been doing. I felt horrible, and it took me about 2 1/2 months to tell him what I had been doing. I kept telling myself that it wasnt fair to tell him that abd stress him out. I thought that something might happen to him if he wasnt focused because of what I told him. The soldiers are trained to seperate emotions from work. Im sure it was in the ack of his mind sometimes, but it never distracted him from the mission. Thinking your saving them from the stress is just an excuse.

    About a month before he came home, I stopped cheating. I agreed to move to Fort Polk in Louisiana to be with him. I knew that at that point I had to be faithful. Knowing we really had a future made it important for me to be faithful to him. When he came home he met my family and we got engaged on our 6 month anniversary. Im not gonna lie, I went through absolute HELL for those 6 months when he was in Iraq, and I cant imagine what he was going through. I am thankful every day that he never gave up on us, even when I was confused. He is the best friend I could ever have, and I love him with all of my being. I hope this story could help somebody else

  22. I am a reporter for Stars and Stripes and I’m writing a story about monogamy and military marriages. I’m looking to speak with Europe-based troops who are married and have recently deployed. Please e-mail me at or call me in the UK at 00441726739853 or DSN 238-4868. Thanks!

  23. I am so very sorry for your tragic loss. You are a very strong woman. But, again I must disagree. First off we as women enable their unfaithfulness every time we let then get away with it. Second, you called him a man. I don’t. Men have more moral character !

    Please don’t think I am picking on you. I have been through it all. He wasn’t a Marine. First off too many people now get married within 6 months or a year. Few people know each other enough in that short period of time. Second, if he’s going to cheat the signs were all there before the marriage. But as women we either think our love will change them or we just ignore the signs. Third. They have enough problems of their own or they wouldn’t cheat. However, we have problems too or we wouldn’t have married them. I encourage you to go to the “Y” battered womens program. It’s free..

    You don’t have to be hit to be abused or battered. However, if you don’t find out why you married this jerk you will repeat the pattern if you divorce. When I was first told this I thought the person was a real “@$$. But when she told me I could be arrested for child abuse and lose my kids, I did as she said. Three years later I finished going and I learned a lot. It’s a free program. If you have kids, they have free trained people to watch the kids if you have kids. Good luck.

  24. i really disagree because of the fact i am engaged to a marine who has been in for four years. he gets out next year. It is so easy as one of the ladies said before for them to cheat because they have it handed to them on a silver plader. what is wrong with keeping it in your pants. he was gone for a month and cheated. not because he wasnt getting any at home but because he could and he thought i wouldnt find out but it just so happened he like fucking dirty hoes and she gave him clamydia. and what happens i end up getting it and im pregnant. what happenes i loose my baby because of it and alot of other things happen. its been to many times where we females actually stay faithful to a marine and we get shitted on only because they think we wont find out when in the long run we do. Not saying all marines cheat but the majority of the men do and you can not tell me otherwise i know to many females going through problems with it to say they dont. my best friend is engaged to a marine they have been together for more than 6 years and what happenes he ends up leaving on deployment meets a hoe gets her pregnant now he decides to leave some one who pays his bills bought his car and does everything she can for him for a dumb hoe that was never pregnant but lied to keep him. its to easy for you to do it thinking your other half wont find out and when they do you lie and continue cheating. we women have had enough and its to much for one person to deal with. considering the fact that it is a mans world and they get and can do what ever they please its not fair and its not right.

  25. […] so poignant, I decided to use them to create a new post. Please read his unedited response below to Cheating Significant others in the Military. I am a Marine and have seen this all too often when I deployed. I was engaged 2 times and was […]

  26. Finally, a serviceman responds to this post. I have been really fit to be tied trying to find a way to get you guys and gals deployed to start telling it like it is. I know that the 90% you are talking about does not mean that 90% of “all” significant others back home cheat. I agree that about 90% of the cheating done is done back home! Since most of those back home are women, then it follows the women are the biggest cheaters! I know from my experiences during Vietnam Era and in this conflict, there was another side to this story. I also know that most of the deployed troops feel as you do. Those cheating deployed troops in harms way do not cheat for the reasons you so eloquently mentioned. Cheating is the exception rather than the rule.

    Thank you for your honest and candid response.

  27. I am a Marine and have seen this all too often when I deployed. I was engaged 2 times and was deployed for about a year 2 times. Both hoes cheated after about 7 months. It is absolutely unforgivable and disgusting. I am a Male Marine and have the self discipline to keep it in my pants. I would say it is about 90% the females fault (not trying to start a fight her, just speaking from experience). But look at it like this. A guy walks up to a woman and says “Hi you’re cute, wanna hump?” LOL its NOT going to happen. However, if a woman turns around and does the same thing, you would be HARD PRESSED for any straight male to say no… And yes WESTPAC WIDOWS are a REALITY not a MYTH. It is insane. Watch the club scene within 100 miles of ANY base. When the units are deployed the clubs are FILLED with “single women with finger tan lines”…

    But when the men come back the clubs seem to empty out…

    I personally BELIEVE and ADHERE to the feeling that a cheating spouse of a Serviceman should be tried and honestly put to death for treason. Sounds EXTREME I know. But think about what really happens…

    I have seen it too many times. Bare with me.

    You are with your marines in a terrifying war torn environment, not knowing if you are going to live or die today, or if your buddy will, or if you are going to have to kill someone today. You think about home and how you rationalize that you are fighting for the ones you love back home. Then next thing you know you get a dear john letter or a letter from a friend and you just found out your wife or girl is *beep* around. This destroys your very core and the reason you are fighting becomes skewed. The Marine may become suicidal or unpredictable and want to go on a homicidal rampage.. .both do happen. This to me is why it should be considered treason, it has an extremely horrible and negative effect for all around the serviceman and gives a great advantage to the enemy..

    Another case I have seen is I was on a 14 month deployment. We had the welcome wagons and the signs all across the road coming into 29 palms. when all of a sudden I recognized one of my Marines names on a huge sign. Saying something like this… “Hello LCPL John Doe, welcome home and surprise I am 5 Months pregnant!” (We were gone over a year…)… It was meant to hurt him and be a *beep* way to ask for a divorce apparently. But if you would have seen what it did to that marine you would want to flay that woman and her child.

    Just food for thought. Cheating is never good. But it destroys morale of all around when done to a servicemember.

    • I know this has been a couple years since this was written and I thought you had some very valid points. I’m interested in what you would say about a husband cheating on his wife 6months before his deployment. This is a soldier who has 3 kids and a wife that supported him (even though he couldn’t see it through his unhappiness). Shouldn’t the spouses in the military be charged with something too?

  28. I was also extremely surprised. Nothing I have posted has drawn the response that my post on cheating spouses drew. I thought maybe hearing the other side in an anonymous setting might give useful insight! Guess I was wrong.

    • I am totally inclined to agree with you and I am a military GF. When my BF came home from Iraq he was about as screwed up as a person cound be bc his wife ran him through the ringer the whole time he was gone… called home on christmas to talk to his little daughter and the other man answers the phone!!! Now he has a hard time trusting me not to do the same thing. He watched this happen to at least 50% of the guys he was overseas with.

      My opinion is that we live in a disposable selfish society today and these “ladies” don’t have it in them to take one for the team and behave.

  29. Only one response? I’m extremely surprised. I’ve seen “Walls of Shame” (huge shrines erected, covered with pictures of cheating spouses and girlfriends) and it seems likealmost everyone has one on there.

  30. Amy Root, I think that a good LCSW might be able to help you guys. You didn’t say if there was a lot of arguing, any type of Domestic situation at home. If there is, then contact your local ”
    Y” and sign up for their free battered women’s program. They provide childcare free normally. Battering doesn’t have to be physical. Verbal abuse if far more damaging.

    If you dpn’t feel this is a problem, then run, don’t walk to that counselor.If you call around, you can usually find a decent one at a low fee. Don’t be afraid to go to another one if you do not “meld” with the first one. If you don’t feel comfortable with one, you won’t get help!

    I hope you do this. If he won’t go, go for yourself, especioally if there are kids involved. They miss “nothing.”.

  31. I have unfortunately cheated on my husband before while he was away and even at home. However, we have both started with a clean slate 4 yrs ago and he has continued to cheat at times. I don’t blame the military but I think when they are away at training in areas far from home where nobody knows them, it obviously makes it easier. Maybe I sound childish but I wish he was made to stay in the confines of the government property instead of being given rental cars and a government credit card. Hello!!! This makes it a free pass for him to do what he wants!!! He even had a weekend off last summer from serving on rear detatchment in his unit and went from Fort Carson, Colorado to Seattle for a long weekend to do god knows what since I’m sure I’ll never get the full truth. Meanwhile, I was at home pregnant and caring for other children. He didn’t even call me for 4 days. What did he use to get there? A car from the unit’s rental fleet, of course!! I am very bitter over all of the shenanigans he has been able to pull on me while he is away with the military.

  32. As am I. I too was very surprised at the lack of response?

  33. Seriously, no one commented on a topic that riles nearly everyone? Wow. I expected to scroll down and see one or two anonymous comments and several comments from non-cheaters.

    I won’t be much help here, not having been a military wife, or having ever cheated on anyone, but I do think the rates of cheating are probably the same in civilian circles as military circles.

    As for myself it is a point of pride, my self-worth is tied into my never cheating and being absolutely loyal to the one I love and am committed to. So I’d really be punishing myself as well as my spouse if I ever cheated (and I hope I never do). I always saw it as a choice one makes ahead of time and just sticks to it. But I don’t really know why I do half the things I do anyway! 😉

    My boss cheated on his wife for many years (finally marrying his mistress this summer). The reason he gave? His wife didn’t give him what he needed and she forced him to cheat. (That was one way weird work conversation I never want to have again. I didn’t know what to say in reply!).

    At any rate, I’m very interested in your follow-up posts on this. 😀

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