More on “Cheating Military Spouses”

Of all the posts I have written, I am always amazed at which one repeatedly draws viewers or a comment. Of course any pictures of our troops in Iraq or Afghanistan always draws viewers and keeps that post at the top of the “most viewed list.” The next biggest draw on my blog is posts about the Stryker Brigade Combat Teams and the famed Nighthawks. Several of these units are among the most decorated in the war!

Both these units are high profile by the very nature of their design and function or purpose in combat. Both go into very deadly situations, and, with their specialized training and equipment, perform combat, support, rescue and whatever other tasks requiring their specific abilities. These units are an even closer knit group than the many other combat units due to their combat roles. [no offense intended to other units] The blogs these troops write cover harrowing tales of the realities of war. We cheer their success. We mourn with them their losses. We laugh with them at their very human idiosyncrasies which remind us that like us they are all so very human.

However, surprisingly, the one post that continues to move up and down from number one in the top ten posts is one I wrote based on something that came up on a forum I frequent. The post is called, “Cheating Military spouses??.” Periodically a wife or girlfriend would write a post about their devastation over finding out that their husband or boyfriend had cheated while deployed. Another frequent post is by a young woman afraid her boyfriend or husband would cheat during deployment. Surprisingly, there were also frequent posts from deployed soldiers whose spouse or significant other cheated on them. The most heartbreaking incidences were soldiers deployed whose spouse divorced them and took the kids or their ex-spouse took their kids!

I decided to do a Google search on soldiers cheating while deployed. I found an interesting article by Richard Engel, NBC News Correspondent (09:07 am ET, 10/27/06). I was very surprised to find that compared to Vietnam, there appeared to be less cheating by the deployed troops today. Most of the cheating was/is being done by the significant other back home! I was also surprised to find that according to this article, how many of our deployed troops were afraid their significant other would cheat on them. “The troops worry about ‘Jody’.” Jody is the name our troops use for the “guy or gal” back home sleeping with their wife or girlfriend; husband or boyfriend. The troops even have a song they sing to their cadence as they are drilling or doing PT beginning back in bootcamp:

Song for ‘Jody’

The troops told me about cadences, the “work songs” some sing while doing PT (physical training), dedicated to “Jody.”

“Ain’t no use in going back
Jody’s got your Cadillac

Ain’t no use in calling home
Jody’s got your girl and gone

Ain’t no use in feeling blue
Jody’s got your sister too

Took away my faded jeans
Now I’m wearing Army greens”

Below the article, the comments from deployed troops and those loved ones at home are very revealing. The author of this article determined it would be difficult to conduct an accurate poll. But, the veterans and present military personnel had some interesting views on the percentage of cheating significant others. It seems their consensus put the figure around 85% as an average. Now this did surprise me.

I was curious about the differences in attitude among the Veterans from Vietnam and our present troops forces with regard to cheating while deployed. This is purely conjecture on my part. I suspect that a lot has to do with a drafted Military versus a volunteer Military. I would expect the cheating to be higher during a draft. The percentage of college graduates or professional men and women is higher in the reserve components and the active components today. The troops today are serving by choice. Most are career soldiers.

I don’t mean to denigrate those who served during Vietnam. There is no question over their bravery and service to their country. But, much as I remember that time, and my discussions with my fellow Marines, free choice versus the draft does impact soldiers attitude and moral. None of us wants to be forced to die; especially when we see the political football game being played with our lives!

Take a moment, if you will, and read Engel’s post. Then read the comments submitted by both sides of this issue. Maybe some of what you read will help you if you find yourself in the situation where your significant other has cheated. There are many who wrote about just this. But, my hope is the other comments will be the ones that will offer you the most support.

[edited to add the more code -dd]


~ by devildog6771 on May 22, 2007.

7 Responses to “More on “Cheating Military Spouses””

  1. My grandfather served in the army and I must say that they don’t make em like granddeddy anymore:( I was so in love with my husband when we met, so in love. Well first we had issues with porn which seems pretty darn ok with the army, having it hung up in the shower rooms for every guy to jackoff to. Great for objectifying women and making them of, it turns out ‘useful’ for something. My husband pretty much lied to me all the time and used porn at work, the armory and where ever he could during our whole first year of marraige, and ruined it. He would only admit to things I busted him in. And during the Oil Spill, ignored my calls for up to a week at a time, hanging with older soilers who to him. “I know I’m married but when I’m out, I hafta get me some.” It seems that being activatied is a free ticket to cheat on your spouse. And guess what, all of these scumbags stick togheter LIKE GLUE. The state chaplain may know, the FRG(family readiness group), and all of their friends, but you…will NEVER find out. So…..all of these soilers who are supposed to have America’s back think it’s ok to cheat on their spouse and their children to while not feeling bad about it(because horrible things like innocent ‘humans n stuff’ being hurt and just being thought of as nothing (hush hush don’t tell) just don’t tell so&so’s wife that it was our fault because we FORGOT to warn the soldier to go in that place that we ordered him into, with no protection whatsoever, that they enemy was posted everywhere out there, waiting to shoot him.) Snap!! Well, of course they can’t look guilty so let’s just write it off as his fault… These are the people that we are supposed to trust?? Hard at work huh? Hard at work cheating & sure as hell not wanting to take any blame or look guilty for anything. So when human life is despensible and disregarded and a soilder grows to think that ANYTHING is excusable. EVERTHING becomes excusable.. What is left? What is left of you soldier? This is selfishness. So when it comes to putting your life on the line for your country, can you even do it, or would it always be better to save your own ass, like what they teach?? Our morals have gone to shit. I say, “Grow a ball, own up, grow up, be responsible, take it like a REAL MAN like you’re supposed to be, not be scared like a little bitch and hide behind lies or someone who outranks you. Stand up and teach these boys what a MAN is supposed to be. All of these top ranking guys that the soldiers come in looking up to, are leading them in the WRONG DIRECTION. My husband entered the army at 18 and is now 32. His religion ‘was’ to not expose too much of the skin…well over time…being made fun of for wearing long pants and long sleeves even while it was hot, got made fun of so much that he started wearing what they wore….and being like ‘the cool guys.’ His grandfather told me that soon after he entered the army, he changed..for the worst… Don’t know what the hell is up with all of this mess. I know that my husband was cheating on me during the oil spill and he’s real secertive. He’s told me things & honestly, I think the army RUINED what could’ve been good person. Tell you one damn thing, they better thank god that I’m not a part of the army…because there would be a rule that you HAD TO tell your spouse or the army would, regardless if it was on base OR NOT!! Because if you’re active, on the army’s time getting paid right, you should HAVE TO OWN UP.

  2. I know the thread is a but outdated, but just read it and been there before.
    Good computer monitoring software I used is:
    Nice price also and worked.

  3. I need to knwo what to do. I have married to my husband for 7 years now! My husband recently came home for R&R. The whole time He keep telling me he loved me. I believed him. I had had my doubts and contributed it to his deployment. We only had sexy once while he was home, and before he came home is was a little distant.(I used to be in the army an i know how easy it is for service members to cheat, I had asked my husband many of time and he denided anything and when i asked him why he never want to see me naked through our web cams he blow up and said he was at war and had no time for that) Well my husband left friday the 6, on monday the 9th i found letters back and forth to him and a girl he was sleeping with over there. He even told her he loved her. I confronted him about it and after the tears he confessed. I asked him if i didn’t find out would it have continued and he said probably. She knows I know and I have since talked to her and she came clean about it. ( She wanted to marry my husband who she knew was married! and wanted him to be the father of her daughter! she demanded him to get a divorce!(I have all the emails!)and now my husband is saying that he is sorry and that it was all a mistake. These soldiers are deployed why the hell are they selling condoms to the in a war time situation!!!!
    I don’t know what to believe, I am so heart broken and don’t know what to do!!!
    We have no child as of now! Dring my enlistment the we had a child that the army caused massive brain damage to, I had cancer in my uterus and had to have a total hysterectomy at 23. a year later our son passed away. I can’t have a man who is only with me for our history together!
    I am so confused.

    • I am so sorry to hear about your situation. Mine is very similar. My husband is deployed and has been having an affair with a married captain. She is married to another captain who is also deployed with her. (Her husband is on another base). They told me it was over, but I recently discovered that it is not. I am also so hurt and overwhelmed. Please let me know what you did after all of this. I am lost and need direction. Thank you.

  4. I just found this forum and wanted to post the story about my current situation.

    What can I do about my now ex-boyfriend who is a Reservist and employed by ComTek as a ROTC instructor at a university – who cheated with over 22 people while we were living together? He fraternized with an NCO in his unit and one of the students in the ROTC program.

    While living together, I put over $50K into “our house” as he called it fixing up the house while he was home and deployed over several years. While he was on his last deployment he decided he didn’t like the unit he got assigned to and started having “head injury issues”… and then got sent home from Iraq after 8 months and is now living off the army on medical hold.

    He is a liar on all accounts – I have emails and letters from him stating he cheated – “sorry” and that he was fine up until the assignment to the 101st Airborne where he didn’t “trust” the guys in the unit…

    I also have proof of sending him 2 pairs of running shoes in addition to the ones he took with him as he worked out every day to stay in shape while there…. so how can you run with a TBIhuh

    This is the biggest scam artist in the military – he scammed MEN and WOMEN in affairs, I have the proof, emails, phone bills, spoken to them… and he admitted affairs to me.

    He has used the army to cover his affairs when he fails to call or email or text someone back – and he is a Reservist and during the times he was not activated he used the military as his cover for not showing up etc…

    I just don’t know what I can do and am very sick that he is still running his scams on not just people but the US Army!

    See the visual of his affairs at I didn’t have to hire a private investigator – after months of his lies he finally admitted his affairs – but he is still untouched in the military and is getting promoted to Major…

    What gives??

  5. It could not have been easy for you to do this. However, instead of crawling down to his level, you used your head. It is sad to think someone would so easily throw away 13 years for a “roll in the hay with some strange!” That is crude, I know, but true. I hope now you have taken steps to look out for you and your kids welfare.

    You’re right about having the cold, hard truth. Most lie to the bitter end! Good luck to you and the girls in whatever way you decide to handle this.

    Thank you for the information.

  6. I’ve been married for 13 years with two young daughters. I recently saw changes in my husband’s behavior. He started going out more after work, constantly texting on his cell phone. When his cell would ring he would jump to get it. He kept telling me it was a co-worker and it had to do with work. I questioned him about cheating, but he denied it. I needed answers and hard proof that my gut feelings were true and I wasn’t making it up. I ended up hiring AllState Investigations, which is a private detective agency. Well, to make a long story short, they caught him with another woman in a romantic relationship. Now I have pictures, video and a detailed report of everything that happened. To see his face drop was PRICELESS!!! It was such a good feeling to have physical evidence in my hands that he could NOT deny. Check out their website

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