The latest from Akmar Obl

Well, I’m back. It is I, Akmar. Akmar Obl. Sigh!! Things have been very strange for me since coming to America. I tried to get a job on the Dallas School Board. They turned me down. I was going to buy a ranch in Texas like the one your President, Mr. George Bush owns. But,there were none that I found that allowed me to pursue my hobby of “caving.” I offered to use my great experience with construction on the levees in New Orleans, but they too turned me down. I thought America was the place where dreams come true?

I went to New York. I wanted to ride on the subway one time. But the airport was a great problem for me. I was so tall I had to squat to go through the metal detection machine. That made my hat fall off. When I was in Texas I got one of those cowboy hats they wear in Texas. When I leaned over to pick up my hat, I stepped on my beard. It hurt so bad I cursed in Arabic. Then the machine I carry with me everywhere I go made the alarm go off. It was awful.

All these people in uniforms came running up. They took me to this room and they asked me a lot of questions. They even did a body search. I wouldn’t have thought a finger would hurt so bad. Ali Babba never hurt me at all. His staff is much bigger than a finger. But they didn’t use any goat oil and they took my machine. They put it in this room full of guns, knives, even a leaf blower. People take strange things on planes in this America.

Well, I got me new machine. Subway ride was not much fun. Every time I went to leave at a stop someone came running up to me with my bag yelling, “Sir! Sir! You forgot your bag!” Oh well, the subway is out. Since I can’t do any caving since I’ve been here, I have been doing a lot of photography and home movies. I even made a pretty good audio tape last month. Can you believe it took a whole month to send it to Al Jazeera. American mail is very slow.

I am going to leave New York in a few weeks. Since I have been here I have been mugged three times. I keep having to buy more cell phone cards and a new cell phone. It is very hard to do business in this country. I do like the “Food Stamp program and the free medical care from Social Services. They gave me a new machine after the airport security people took my old one.

But I also need a better place to live. My one bedroom apartment is way to small for me, my wives, all my children and all my other relatives. By the Time I put all my suitcases with my money in there, all my guns, my cell phones and boxes of phone cards, and my tools and material for explosives, and my jihad handouts, there is no room for us. Still, my old friend “Z” was right. They never find me here. I just drive my vans in from Canada. It was also a very nice trip. But I never see one camel or goat. I really miss my camel.

Until next time, this is Akmar Obl. Don’t buy any old camels!


~ by devildog6771 on January 19, 2006.

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